Wilnervision!

Wow, only six movies opening this week. We must have done something right.

“Back to the Sea”: Ever wonder how “Finding Nemo” might have played if it had dropped the father-son story to spend all its time in the dentist’s fish tank? I hadn’t, either. But  someone did, and the result is in theatres today. Andrew flushes it.

“The Grey“: Joe Carnahan reaches beyond his usual testosterone-and-popcorn sensibility for a survival thriller that hints at greatness — and features a terrific performance from Liam Neeson. It’s not exactly good, though.

“Man on a Ledge“:  Hey, it is what it is. Which is a fairly silly heist movie involving a ledge, Sam Worthington’s forehead, Jamie Bell’s cheekbones, Genesis Rodriguez’ rack, and some of the most committed background acting I’ve ever seen.

“Monsieur Lazhar”: Attention Canadian media: There is no way in hell Philippe Falardeau’s drama about Montreal schoolchildren helped through a trauma by a kindly instructor will win that Oscar. (“A Separation” has it locked down.) Stop worrying about how AMPAS will treat this astute, moving work, and just tell people how good it is, like Rad does.

“One for the Money”: Susan suffered through Katherine Heigl’s adaptation of Janet Evanovich’s first Stephanie Plum adventure so I wouldn’t have to. I owe Susan a cookie.

“Tyrannosaur“:  Paddy Considine makes his directorial debut with a proper slice of British misery, and he gets intense, committed performances from Peter Mullan, Olivia Colman and Eddie Marsan. It’s powerful, and it’s gruelling … but it’s kinda forced, too, if we’re being honest.

Well, there we are. Go see something, would you?

So, in the weekend that Steven Soderbergh’s terrific action picture “Haywire” opens wide, audiences flock to two terrible, horrible, no-good movies: “Underworld: Awakening” and “Red Tails“, which placed first and second on the charts with $25.1 million and $19.1 million, respectively.

“Haywire” opened in fifth place with a gross of $9 million, behind “Contraband” — which dropped from first place with $12.2 million — and “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”, which opened wide to $10. 5 million take.

Look, I know it’s January and pickings are slim, but come on, people. Demand better.

Just in case you managed to catch up to everything that opened last week, a whack of new stuff lands in theatres today, including a couple of major TIFF titles. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

“Coriolanus“: Ralph Fiennes directs and stars in a propulsive modern update of the Shakespearean tragedy, and enlists Gerard Butler, Jessica Chastain, Brian Cox and Vanessa Redgrave for invaluable support. Don’t wait for the DVD.

“The Divide”: After blowing most of his “Frontier(s)” cred with the crapfest that was “Hitman”, Xavier Gens regroups with this apocalyptic thriller about apartment dwellers boarded up in their survivalist super’s basement after a nuclear event. Phil thinks it’s okay.

“The Front Line”: Jang Hun re-creates the final battles of the Korean War in this epic battleground drama. And if the distributor had provided a screening copy, I’d have had a review in today’s paper.

“Haywire“: MMA fighter Gina Carano plays a corporate operative seeking vengeance after a job goes bad in Steven Soderbergh’s first proper action movie. Well, “proper” in that Soderbergh’s tackling the genre in his own specific way. But I love what he does, so I’m fine with it.

“In the Land of Blood and Honey”: Angelina Jolie tackles the Balkans in her directorial debut. Susan finds it flawed but worthy.

“Not Since You”:  Jeff Stephenson’s modestly budgeted reunion drama stars Desmond Harrington, Kathleen Robertson and Liane Balaban, among others. Glenn loathed it, which is all I need to hear.

“Red Tails“: I’ll be seeing Lucasfilm’s  Tuskegee Airmen movie — which I’m pretty sure is just a delivery device for the “Phantom Menace” re-release trailer — later today. Hope it’s good. UPDATE: It ain’t.

“A Separation”: Asghar Farhadi’s drama about the compromises and miseries of modern Iranian life starts out rivetingly, but fell apart for me in the final quarter once its dramatic aims become clear. (I’ll  just say that the film isn’t anywhere near as sympathetic towards certain characters as it claims to be.) Glenn feels otherwise.

“Underworld: Awakening“: Having sat out the last one, Kate Beckinsale is back in the  rubber suit for another totally pointless movie where vampires shoot werewolves with machine guns. Really, that’s the gist of it.

“The Viral Factor”: Dante Lam’s Hong Kong actioner stars Jay Chou and Nicholas Tse as rival brothers racing to recover some stolen smallpox. Phil likes the action sequences, is unimpressed by everything else.

There, that’s everything. Well, almost; there’s a Soviet sci-fi series at the Lightbox that’s kind of cool, and of course I’m introducing “Man Bites Dog” there tomorrow night. So, you know, if you don’t have enough to see this weekend, there’s those things.

Bit of a late start today, as I was waiting for my piece on this year’s Genie nominations to go up on the NOW site; the web team was pretty busy with the Toronto budget negotiations yesterday, so the delay is entirely understandable.

But now that it’s up, you should read it! Because of culture! And the unique values of Canadian cinema, because why not.