Traffic to this website has trebled in the last two days, and apparently it has something to do with my Metro review of “Transformers” having been posted to Facebook.
Seriously, some idiot put the review up under the heading “Boycott Norman Wilner’s Review of the Transformers Movie“. Obviously, he or she (and I’m pretty sure he’s a he, and a rather young he at that) doesn’t quite understand the concept of a boycott. Ah, well. Brings new people to the site. Hi, new people!
So anyway, apparently I am some kind of neo-maxi zoom dweebie — kids, ask your parents — because I fail to embrace the kewl brilliance that is Michael Bay’s latest cinematic demolition derby. I can live with that.
Here are some other movies I didn’t much like, and a couple that I really did:
“Bride of Silence“: You know how some movies are well-produced and made with obvious artistic integrity, but you just don’t respond to them? For me, this is one of those movies. But if you’re jonesing for a thoughtful exploration of Vietnamese sexual and sociological biases circa 1900, be my guest.
“License to Wed“: In which we discover that “Man of the Year” is not the worst thing Robin Williams has done lately. And if you were asking yourself how bad this could possibly be, since it has John Krasinski from “The Office” and several of his co-stars and was directed by occasional “Office” helmer Ken Kwapis … well, let’s just say TV is a writer’s medium, and leave it at that.
“Rescue Dawn“: Christian Bale, an actor known for scary commitment to his roles, and Werner Herzog, a director known for scary commitment to his projects, team up for this dramatic reworking of Herzog’s documentary “Little Dieter Needs to Fly”. It’s awesome. Just go see it.
“Romanzo Criminale“: If you’ve ever wondered how “The Godfather” would have played if it had been directed by Martin Scorsese rather than Francis Ford Coppola, Michele Placido has constructed a fascinating thought experiment. Turns out the results aren’t quite as effective as one might have thought.
“You Kill Me“: After several seasons in studio hell, John Dahl reclaims his crown as the best neo-noir director working; this marvelous black comedy about an alcoholic Polish-American hitman forced to develop a new perspective on life when he’s sent to dry out in San Fransciso starts out strong and just gets better. Ben Kingsley and Tea Leoni — who knew?
Well, anyone who’s been following their careers, but it’s still nice to see them at peak form, rather than phoning it in.
“Obviously, he or she (and I’m pretty sure he’s a he, and a rather young he at that) doesn’t quite understand the concept of a boycott. Ah, well. Brings new people to the site. Hi, new people!”
That made my weekend. Granted, with most of the people in my life out of town, it was trending towards the mediocre, but a laugh over coffee is a laugh over coffee. Well played, Wilner.
Actually the reason they posted it is so it saved them from visiting your website. Preventing them from suffering from the mindless droning from an unknown movie reviewer who craps over every film that just doesn’t fit your personal demands of the film industry. Moving on, your review reminds me of John Simon’s review of Return of the Jedi. “Oh this doesn’t make any sense.” “Who would watch this movie?”. Also the only two reasons why you gave this movie a bad review is this.
1. You have it out for Michael Bay.
Most people have it out for him.
2. You never grew up with these cartoons, so you never understood how the Autobot and Decepticon chemistry worked. And if you weren’t listening Peter Cullen (THE ORIGINAL VOICE OF OPTIMUS PRIME) spoke nice and slow for you, just you to hear it.
Sure the movie had bad lines, but it had good ones, ones you wouldn’t understand because they have nostalgic value within the caste of Transformers fans. And brace yourself, news is there may be a sequel for you to sink your teeth into, and for us to point out how dumb you sound.
Oh and here just for you, the video may be a little scratchy but hey, it was the 80’s, quit knockin the 80’s. This is John Simon facing off against Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert over ROTJ, try to find the similarities between his review and yours. Forget the fact that they are both DIFFERENT MOVIES, I am fairly sure my 2 yr old cousin could figure that out.
And next time you review something try to find out good things about it too, you will probably reverse this on me but. No one likes whiners. Don’t be biased, review every film equally.