Make-Up “Sex”

Awkward, yes, but still hotMy MSN DVD column has yet to go live — I blame the pre-TIFF crush — so I’m stuck for something to blog about this morning.

Oh, I know: Did you see this great AV Club interview with Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist last week? They’ve written a book, “The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex“, of which I was shamefully unaware when I interviewed Schaal back in June. So consider this my way of working in a post-facto plug, and giving you something fun to read.

Also, given the book’s overall theme, I think she’d appreciate my use of the word “shameful” in the last paragraph.

Ghoul Beats Gangstas

The power of Chat Roulette compels you! The power of Chat Roulette compels you!The weekend box-office results are in, and “The Last Exorcism” has claimed the top spot — barely. The virally marketed creeper earned just $300,000 more than its closest competition, the anonymous actioner “Takers”. The former made $21.3 million; the latter, $21 million. (Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables” dropped to third place with $9.5 million.)

Imagine what a savvy producer could do with a movie about fashionably dressed hoods who try to rob the Vatican, only to accidentally unleash all the demons stored in its vault. That’s a $42.3 million opening weekend, guaranteed!

… aw, crap. Someone’s going to make that now.

Lonesome Rhodes 2.0

Giving red-state America the leader it deservesWhen Patricia Neal died earlier this month, most of the obits and memorials played up her co-starring role opposite Paul Newman in “Hud”. And that made sense; it’s a great performance, and she won an Oscar for it.

But the coverage of Neal’s death also puts the lie to the “liberal media” canard waved around by angry conservatives at every opportunity. If there really was a liberal media out there, looking for any chance to embarrass those noble Real Americans who believe in the flag, apple pie and keeping “mosks” away from Ground Zero, Neal’s obit would have put her role in the 1957 drama “A Face in the Crowd” in the first graph.

“A Face in the Crowd” — sprung from the acid pen of Budd Schulberg, and directed by Elia Kazan — was and is a terrific, terrifiying movie. It’s the story of a man named Lonesome Rhodes, who emerges from obscurity to become the voice of simple, humble America in the 1940s. He’s a poser and an egomaniac — nowadays, we’d call him a sociopath — but he’s embraced by the people because he pretends to share their concerns. In the end, he’s exposed as a contemptuous fraud, and balance is restored to the world.

If you’ve never seen “A Face in the Crowd” … well, you really should. It’s a tremendous movie, a biting satire and an incisive drama, and Andy Griffith gives his finest screen performance as Rhodes, playing against his established persona as one of America’s most lovable hicks.

It’s one of Kazan’s best films, too, and that’s saying something. Not for nothing did the Library of Congress add it to its list of preserved films in 2008 — right around the same time Sarah Palin was rising to national prominence, as it happens.

Which brings me to the guy in the picture.

Glenn Beck is holding his “Restoring America” rally in Washington today. He’ll be speaking on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, which — it just so happens — is the same place Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his profound and sadly-still-relevant speech about having a dream in 1968, just months before his assassination. 1963. (UPDATE: That mistake was totally my fault.) Beck claims that the time and place of his rally were merely coincidental; he just happens to have been talking about reclaiming the civil-rights movement for weeks. This is disingenuous bullshit, but of course so much of what Beck says is disingenuous bullshit that no one really cares any more.

And that’s the problem.

Rather than fact-checking the wild claims of Beck, and Palin, and Hannity, and Malkin, and all the rest, the American news media — possibly afraid of being tarred with the “liberal” brush — just let things go. They let the crying clown man jump and dance, and leave the mocking to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. (Not that they don’t do a fine job, mind you, but they provide the same consolation to their audience that Beck does for his — telling them that it’s okay, the world’s not crazy, someone understands.)

So, virtually unchallenged, Beck gets to co-opt King’s legacy. Palin’s there, too; in fact, she’s probably babbling about the glories of America right now, throwing red meat to her admirers, who will tell you without a hint of irony that abandoning her gubernatorial post in Alaska doesn’t make her a quitter. She left the job so she wouldn’t be a lame duck! If she stayed in the post, why … well, that would have been quitting!

That’s the world Beck and Palin play to. Their truths aren’t true, but they feel true. Obama must be a secret Muslim; he has a weird name! (Never mind that he isn’t, and he doesn’t.) And the evil terrorists are planning to launch more attacks on American targets from that mosque at Ground Zero … never mind that the guy trying to build it worked with George W. Bush on American outreach to Muslim nations, and that the community center isn’t actually a mosque, and that it’s not at Ground Zero.

Ronald Reagan said facts were stupid things, and he’s being proved more and more right with every passing week. It’s all about shouting the truth as you perceive it, and shouting it as loud as you can. When the other guy gives up and walks away, you’ve won!

Okay, some people are pushing back. Bob Herbert and Charles M. Blow have some very powerful columns in today’s New York Times. But they’re coming awfully late in the game, and like Stewart and Colbert’s damning work, they can be dismissed as insubstantial lefty blather by people who already have a vested interest in not letting their truths be contaminated by facts.

Glenn Beck, the self-described “rodeo clown“, needs his Lonesome Rhodes moment. He needs to be exposed. The problem is, this isn’t fiction and the rules aren’t the same; if Beck was outed as a phony, his admirers will probably just ignore it and keep watching … just like they did the last time.

I love America, I really do. I just recognize so little of it these days. I guess that’s the same problem Beck’s followers have, huh?

Late August, Early September

Which reminds me, we're running low on Prince of DarknessAh, Friday. An insanely busy Friday, what with TIFF 2010 now less than two weeks away and my major deadlines earlier than ever. But there are movies, and there are reviews. Let’s take a look.

Flipped“: Hey, remember when Rob Reiner was a director of remarkable range and tenderness? I do, and that’s why this pleasant but featherweight attempt to reclaim his “Stand by Me” auteurship feels so thin on the ground.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)“: Technically, Tom Six’ gross-out cult classic-to-be doesn’t start its Toronto engagement until tomorrow, but I’m lumping it in with the rest of the reviews to make it easier on everybody. And by everybody, I include myself; this way, I can go with an image from one of the week’s other new releases, thus letting everyone keep their breakfast down. I’m thoughtful like that.

“The Last Exorcism”: Daniel Stamm’s faux documentary about a fraudulent exorcist who runs afoul of the real deal is being marketed with all the booga-booga you’d expect from an Eli Roth production. But Andrew says it delivers at least some of the goods.

“Life During Wartime”: More than a decade after “Happiness” made writer-director Todd Solondz’ dark-comedy bones, he revisits that movie’s characters — played by an entirely new cast — in this left-field sequel, which I’ve been trying to catch for nearly a year now. Susan was wowed, which makes me even more annoyed that I don’t have two hours to spare right now.

No Heart Feelings“: Full disclosure: I didn’t enjoy this charming little no-budget relationship dramedy entirely because two-thirds of it was shot within a hundred yards of my front door. But it certainly didn’t hurt. Let’s try that again: The fact that two-thirds of this charming little no-budget relationship dramedy was shot within a hundred yards of my front door isn’t the only reason I enjoyed it. But it certainly didn’t hurt. (Thanks, Kate!)

“Teenage Paparazzo”: “Entourage” star Adrian Grenier turns the camera on the shutterbugs — well, one of them, anyway — in this documentary about baby-faced shooter Austin Visschedyk. Glenn liked it well enough.

“The Tillman Story”: Amir Bar-Lev, who made the excellent “My Kid Could Paint That” a few years ago, looks at the death of U.S. Ranger Pat Tillman, whose death by friendly fire in Afghanistan was not only covered up by a morally bankrupt military, but used as a recruiting tool by Donald Rumsfeld and George W. Bush. Until his family refused to play along, that is. Susan didn’t like it as much as I did, but she’ll come around someday.

And if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to run off and see … I dunno, something at the Varsity, probably. Catch you later.

Working It

We party to forgetI have a lot of stuff to do today, but there’s very little to blog about. Well, except for the sad news that Japanese director Satoshi Kon has died, at age 46, of pancreatic cancer. He made “Millennium Actress” and “Paprika”, which were “Inception” before “Inception” was “Inception”, if you know what I mean.

You should take a look at them one of these days; “Paprika” is on Blu-ray and everything. I’d love to dive back into it, but I’ve got to get going …

Spoilers!

Wait a moment ... that's not supposed to happen until the next episode!Some people live for them. Me, I won’t even be in the same room with them if it’s possible. They are spoilers — pieces of information regarding the plots of movies and television shows that will give you too much knowledge in advance of actually watching said movie or television show.

Like all knowledge, spoilers are neither good nor bad; they’re just there, with the potential to be used or abused as the holder sees fit. I like knowing as little as possible about whatever I’m about to see — I won’t even watch a trailer if I can help it — and I try to extend my readers that same courtesy in my reviews. I try not to mention anything that happens after the first reel of a film; it just doesn’t seem fair.

Sure, sometimes it’s unavoidable; the heist sequence of “Inception” doesn’t start until more than an hour into the picture, but that’s the meat of the movie. Still, I did my best to dance around the specifics.

Anyway, I’m mentioning this because the AV Club has just posted Zack Handlen’s excellent essay about what really constitutes a spoiler, and whether you agree with him or not, it’s a good read for this fine late-summer morning.

It’s also tied to the new season of “Mad Men”, so fans of that show may want to bear that in mind …

Previously on “Lost”

We're not leaving until someone explains the DHARMA shark… well, it’s all previously, isn’t it? And now, with the show’s sixth and final season arriving on disc, there’s no better time to mull it over once more and piss off everyone who thought the ending was weak. So check out my latest MSN DVD column … if you dare!

Ah, who am I kidding? You totally dare.

Also, saying “Desmond is the bomb” just confuses people after season five.

In a World Where Crap is King

This is why we can't have nice things, and by nice things I mean good moviesThe weekend box-office is in, and Sylvester Stallone’s ’80s shoot-em-up “The Expendables” remains in the number-one spot with a second-week gross of $16.5 million. And if you think the title of this blog post refers to that, well, you’re only half right.

See, the weekend’s number two movie — with $12.2 million in ticket sales — is “Vampires Suck”, the latest from hack parodists Josh Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who’ve foisted “Date Movie”, “Epic Movie”, “Disaster Movie” and “Meet the Spartans” upon our screens over the past few years. Now, in fairness, I haven’t seen the new one, but I know the template, and I know Friedberg and Seltzer’s sense of pop-culture humour, which is roughly adjacent to Jay Leno’s.

It’s lowest-common-denominator stuff — bringing out a Britney Spears impersonator and smacking her with a mallet, because everyone wants to see Britney Spears get smacked in the face with a mallet. It’s the same impulse that led Jay Roach to throw Jeff Dunham into “Dinner for Schmucks” — a sop to the Middle Americans who might not recognize Jemaine Clement, Lucy Punch, Kristen Schaal or Chris O’Dowd but sure do love that ventriloquist guy. (And here I must pause and point out that for all his failings, Roach is a more astute director of comedians than Friedberg and Seltzer, who just hire lookalike actors and make them repeat the dialogue from whatever they’re mocking with one eyebrow raised.)

So, yeah. “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” barely stays in the game, holding tenth place with a $5 million take, but “Vampires Suck” just made half its budget back, guaranteeing it’ll be profitable by the time it hits DVD (which should be presently). And Friedberg and Seltzer will have another insta-parody in theatres by Christmas — probably going after the “Harry Potter” series. That’s on you, moviegoers. Damn you all to hell.

Are You Sitting Comfortably? Then Let’s Begin

Magical, sure, but terrible with tweezersIt’s turned out to be one of those weeks where nearly everything coming out falls directly on my head. How swell. Fortunately, there’s a surprisingly wide range of stuff opening today, and most of it is even worthwhile!

George A. Romero’s Survival of the Dead“: He may be running on fumes these days, but people will still give him money to kill zombies, so here we are with a sixth chapter in the “Dead” series, featuring Kenneth Welsh in what may be the single worst performance in any Romero film ever. (And Romero worked with Richard France three times.)

The Infidel“: Omid Djalili plays an assimilated London Muslim who’s shocked to discover he was born Jewish in Josh Appignanesi’s cross-cultural farce, which doesn’t exactly break new ground comedically but does hit its marks reasonably well.

Lebanon“: Is Samuel Maoz’ subjective look at an Israeli tank crew on the first day of the Lebanon war an experimental war movie, or an experiential one? I’m not quite sure, but I know it makes for great cinema, and isn’t that all that matters?

Lottery Ticket“: Ice Cube continues to reinvent our notions of “wholesome family comedy” with this frenzied effort about a teenager (Bow Wow, no longer Li’l) who wins a massive jackpot but can’t collect it until the end of a long weekend. A very long weekend, as it turns out.

Nanny McPhee Returns“: Emma Thompson brings her magical governess back for another round of CG-enhanced kid-friendly fun. It’s not great cinema, but it works well enough while you’re watching it; my review should be up on the NOW site later today.

“Piranha 3D”: No advance screenings for Alexandre Aja’s souped-up remake of the Joe Dante classic. This either means it’s terrible, or the studio doesn’t know what to do with it. Given that the cast includes intriguingly ironic leading man Adam Scott and hardened aquatic survivor Richard Dreyfuss, I’m hoping for the latter.

The Switch“: Look, you can spin almost any subject matter for comedy — think of “The Producers”, or “There’s Something About Mary”, or “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans”. But you have to know what you’re doing, and this movie — starring Jason Bateman as (literally) a jerkoff who sabotages his best friend’s pregnancy by substituting his own sperm for her chosen donor’s — decidedly does not.

There, that’s everything. Well, almost; there’s a four-hour Japanese movie called “Love Exposure” playing at the Japanese Cultural Centre tomorrow night, about which I am writing for today’s NOW Daily column. I’ll post a link as soon as it goes up (UPDATE: Linked!), but if you want the short version? I’ve never seen anything like it, and it is spectacularly crazy. So that’s good, right?

My other other gig.