The world doesn’t care that I’m still wading through a pile of Hot Docs screeners — there are movies opening, dammit! And I have to see most of them, too!

“Captain Abu Raed“: Remember the kinds of vaguely patronizing foreign-language films Harvey Weinstein used to acquire by the boatload every year? Amin Matalqa’s insistently heartwarming contrivance would fit right in.

“Death at a Funeral“: Neil Labute directs Chris Rock in a speedy remake of Frank Oz’ 2007 British farce, co-starring Tracy Morgan, Danny Glover, Regina Hall, Zoe Saldana and James Marsden as Alan Tudyk. I don’t know which part of that sentence is the strangest. My review should be online any minute now. UPDATE: There it is!

“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”: The European literary sensation — just ask its publicists! — comes to the screen in Niels Arden Oplev’s slick adaptation. Susan liked it; Adam, not so much. Not so much at all.

“Kick-Ass“: With no power comes no responsibility … and a great deal of fun. Matthew Vaughn atones for the fairy-tale sludge of “Stardust” with this tremendously entertaining comic-book movie; trust me, you’ll never see McLovin the same way again.

“The Square”: Australia’s Edgerton brothers — actor-writer Joel and director Nash — venture into Coen territory with this tale of flawed people, bad decisions and worse luck. Rad gives it his blessing.

“When You’re Strange“: Tom DiCillo’s disappointing Doors document — which popped up at Canadian Music Week last month — gets a one-week theatrical booking as a prelude to its DVD release later this summer. If you’re a Morrison acolyte, it’s worth a look, I guess.

Right, that’s everything. And now, back to my regularly scheduled programming …

The new issue of NOW features — among other things — my interview with Chloe Grace Moretz, aka Hit Girl, the tiny, foul-mouthed death machine of “Kick-Ass”.

If you live in the Toronto area, you may have seen Moretz on the front page of the Star yesterday, accompanied by a headline worrying that she might be too young to be starring in a movie this violent. (Ah, the simple joys of concern trolling.)

Of course, as Peter points out in the piece, her next picture is Matt Reeves’ remake of “Let the Right One In”. Kid’s got stones.

Oh, and if you’re interested in my coverage of Sprockets or the Toronto Jewish Film Festival, those are in this week’s paper, too. Way less interesting than a thirteen-year-old girl talking about beating people up, though.

I found this piece on Kotaku last week, but never got around to talking about it: A perceptive fellow named Brian Crecente has noticed the slow shift in zombie mythology from supernatural to technical means, and decided to work it through and see what it all means.

It’s called “Infection vs. Resurrection: The New Science of the Zombie“, and it’s a very good read. You should check it out.

Also, this is neither a dream nor a hoax nor an imaginary story: Joss Whedon is directing the “Avengers” movie. I’m intrigued, if only to hear Whedon’s dialogue coming out of Robert Downey Jr.’s mouth.

The AP was reporting yesterday that this weekend’s box-office numbers are too close to call, with “Clash of the Titans” and “Date Night” fighting it out for the top spot with grosses in the $27 million range.

My entirely unscientific prediction? When the official tallies come in later today, “Clash” will win the weekend; receipts from those premium 3D engagements are sure to push it past “Date Night”, which is only playing in regular-priced 2D.

So, once again, 3D is the salvation of Hollywood. Unless it isn’t.

Meanwhile, the A.V. Club has hit on a particularly great inventory this week, running down 18 characters, real or fictional, that inspired the songs of Warren Zevon — illustrated with clips aplenty. I’ve been listening to Zevon’s catalogue quite a bit lately — inspired by my recent trip to Los Angeles, I guess — so it was a very pleasant surprise to find this on the site this morning.

UPDATE: What do I know? “Date Night” claimed first place with $27.1 million; “Clash of the Titans”, with $26.9 million, came in second. Good old Liz Lemon beat the Kraken after all.

With Steve Carell and Tina Fey’s “Date Night” aiming to dominate the box-office this weekend, my latest MSN Movies gallery looks at other small-screen stars who’ve tried to make the jump to the big (picture) show.

To keep things small, I mostly stuck to comedies — and left out the casts of “Saturday Night Live” and “Friends”. But I now realize I could have mined the casts of “ER”, “Freaks and Geeks” and “The Daily Show” for a few more faces … unless you think George Clooney, James Franco, Jason Segel, Seth Rogen, Rob Corddry and Ed Helms are just piddly little nobodies, of course.

Okay, maybe Corddry. (I kid! I kid because I love!)

Hey, yesterday was Friday, wasn’t it? And Friday is new movie day! Specifically:

“Date Night“: Steve Carell and Tina Fey make a terrific — and completely credible — couple in Shawn Levy’s otherwise generic farce. If you like ’em, you’ll enjoy watching them. If you don’t, well … seriously, what’s wrong with you?

“The Eclipse“: Conor McPherson, who wrote the exceptional “I Went Down” back in the late 1990s, brings his utter disregard for the conventions of genre to a tale of a widowed teacher (Ciaran Hinds) struggling with some very unnatural things during an Irish authors’ festival.

“The Misfortunates“: Growing up Flemish in the 1980s couldn’t have been easy at the best of times, but factor in being raised by a quartet of drunken, anarchic idiots, and you’ve got yourself some scars. Felix Van Groeningen’s grotty comedy-drama may not stand up to “My Queen Karo“, with which it shared screen space at last year’s TIFF, but it has its moments.

“A Shine of Rainbows”: Aidan Quinn, who plays a key role in “The Eclipse”, fares less well in Vic Sarin’s mawkish tale of a childless Irish couple who take in an orphaned boy. Rad rightly calls it out for its forced melodramatics.

“The Wild Hunt“: Though it’s hobbled by a tonal shift it can’t quite pull off, there are some really terrific things in Alexandre Franchi’s no-budget tale of a Montrealer who invades a live-action role-playing game to retrieve his unfaithful girlfriend, including a balls-out performance by Mark Antony Krupa and some very incisive observations about the appeal of fantasy in contemporary life.

There, that gets us back on track …

Stop your mourning — I’m back online, and everything is just peachy. Apparently my static IP number was changed sometime early on Tuesday, shifting the site a degree or six out of phase with the rest of the interweb.

I’ve been enjoying my time in the Phantom Zone, actually; waiting for my webhost tech support guys to figure out the problem let me focus on the six thousand or so film festivals taking place in Toronto this month. Hot Docs, Sprockets, the Toronto Jewish Film Festival … as far as I’m concerned, they’re all happening right now and I’m neck-deep in all of ’em.

What, you thought my piece on the ReelWorld festival in this week’s NOW was the last of it? Don’t make me laugh.

Well, there you go: “Clash of the Titans”, marketed as the Next Big Movie, became the Next Big Movie with an opening weekend gross of $61.4 million — or $64.1 million, if you count the Thursday night screenings.

I’m kind of surprised by the way the movie’s fared with critics, honestly. I mean, it’s not great cinema or anything, but it’s a well-crafted entertainment, and I was pleasantly surprised by how much it improves on the now-quaint original. The venom being directed at such an unpretentious production seems disproportionate … though I guess the other option is to go too far in the other direction, and treat it as a camp artifact without waiting for the ironic distance to form. (Though that approach does result in fun pieces like this.)

Maybe it helps that I saw it in good old two-dimensional 35mm; most of the griping I’ve read comes from people who’ve seen it in 3D, which seems to make for a pretty disappointing experience.

Or maybe it’s just that the Kraken in this version looks like the Cloverfield monster’s stroppy older brother. I’ll give ’em that one.