Category Archives: Movies

A Complicated Process

Everyone has his reasonsWant to catch up to yesterday’s wave of movies? Pick up a copy of today’s NOW, which features my reviews of “Australia“, “Four Christmases” and “Transporter 3“.

And once you’re done with those, read my interview with Arnaud Desplechin, whose lovely “Un Conte de Noel” was one of the highlights of my first Cannes. When it opens tomorrow, you really ought to see it.

And if you’re reading this from the States, well, happy turkey day. Me, I have to spend my morning watching Meryl Streep yelling at Philip Seymour Hoffman. It’s a living.

Bleak Wednesday

An Oscar party? For little old me?The Wednesday before American Thanksgiving is always clogged with would-be blockbusters; this year, we also see Focus Features try to put one of its smaller films out in front of the crush of December Oscar contenders. Proper reviews will appear in tomorrow’s paper (except for “Milk”, which Susan reviewed last week), but here’s a special sneak preview just for you!

“Australia”: Baz Luhrmann makes yet another berserk cross-genre construction, in the style of “William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet” and “Moulin Rouge!”, but this time he comes up with a mess that is in no way glorious — it’s just a frenetic, convulsive hodgepodge of ill-conceived steals from other movies. And Nicole Kidman really has to stop with the whole light-comedy thing. (My full review will appear in tomorrow’s paper.)

“Four Christmases”: Speaking of people who have to stop trying to be funny: Has Reese Witherspoon ever worked in a comedic context? She was perfectly cast as the humorless villain of “Election”, but in movies like “Legally Blonde” she’s always struck me as too flinty and poised to actually get laughs. (Also, I think the “Legally Blonde” movies are terrible.) In Seth Gordon’s atrocious holiday comedy, Witherspoon’s Type-A stiffness grates up against Vince Vaughn’s chatterbox flailing in the worst possible way. And then the movie starts.

“Milk”: Remember when Oliver Stone and Robin Williams were planning to make their Harvey Milk biopic? Around, say, fifteen years ago? I’m pretty sure Dustin Lance Black’s screenplay is the one they were going to use — a generic hagiography that focuses on Milk’s political accomplishments and tells us almost nothing about the man himself. Sean Penn and James Franco are still pretty great, though.

“Transporter 3”: All I’m saying is, it’s no “Transporter”. Or even “Transporter 2”, for that matter. I still eagerly await “Crank 2”, though.

The Hero We Deserve

Big whaley styleMy latest Sympatico/MSN DVD column is up, in which I try once again to get people to appreciate Peter Berg’s “Hancock” in all its warty, spastic glory.

I’m still not convinced it works as a movie, but it’s as conceptually fascinating to me now as it was in July … check it out, won’t you?

And if you’re not into the whole Will Smith-superhero-flying-around thing, there’s always “Tell No One“. It’s got subtitles, so it’s classy!

The “Twilight” Effect

If only we could enjoy our successWell, there you have it: “Twilight” pulled in $70.6 million over the weekend, stomping both Disney’s “Bolt” and the Bond movie to declare itself a proper phenomenon.

As a result, Summit greenlit a sequel — oh, yippee — and we are now stuck with Catherine Hardwicke, Voice of Today’s Youth.

One thing I haven’t really seen in any of the frothing media coverage of the New! Hot! Thing! is an acknowledgment of the brilliant way Summit orchestrated the marketing campaign on what’s essentially a niche picture: Though Stephenie Meyers’ books are virtually unknown to anyone above the age of 17, Summit’s been percolating interest among the faithful all year, dribbling out stills and clips and posters with a steady stream of targeted media releases. I was sick of seeing the “New Twilight Image!” subject line in my inbox by, oh, April. Can’t say it didn’t pay off at the box-office, though.

Serious-minded media analysts are going to make a face, but “Twilight” is essentially following the same model as “The Passion of the Christ” — a small, independent production of a beloved text, marketed directly to the rabid fan base with little or no regard for people who aren’t part of the culture, explodes onto the scene with startling force. It’s all about getting the fundamentalists to the theater.

I also find it interesting the quality of the product is ultimately irrelevant. The people who want to see their favorite story told on a big screen get exactly what they want; it doesn’t matter if the execution is dull or hackneyed. (This is the lesson Hardwicke learned on “The Nativity Story”: Directorial incompetence doesn’t matter if you’re working with material people already cherish.)

So, yeah, “Twilight” is a tedious slog through teen-movie cliches with laughable performances and a ridiculous abstinence metaphor — hey, girls, chastity is teh awesome, but it has to be your boyfriend’s choice! — but it doesn’t matter. Edward + Bella 4-ever, right there on the screen!

Just wait until they get a little older and discover “Buffy” …

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Bite Me

He's not getting that thumb backThe “Twilight” juggernaut rumbles forward: Variety was estimating a $37 million take in its first 24 hours — which, says the piece, could translate into an opening weekend somewhere north of $55 million.

(That seems somehow off to me; Saturdays are bigger days for business than Fridays, so wouldn’t we be looking at a weekend gross closer to $75 million? Or are we being conservative in our estimation for the sake of respectability?)

Anyway, to milk the whole vampire-romance thing, here’s my latest Sympatico/MSN gallery, featuring six memorable examples of fang-banging. And yes, “Underworld” is largely memorable for Kate Beckinsale’s rubber suit.

The Opportunists

Adam Ant returns from the crypt to feed once moreThe week before the American Thanksgiving holiday is notoriously quiet, as the majors prepare for the biggest Wednesday of the year … leaving a hole open for everyone else. Oh, and Disney.

Ballast“: Lance Hammer’s indie drama is a calm, measured and utterly devastating study of three lives on a collision course on the Mississippi Delta. Yes, I know, that’s annoyingly vague; the mechanics of the plot are so delicate that I don’t want to risk denting them. Anyway, great movie, please go see it.

“Bolt”: John Travolta is a talking dog! Miley Cyrus is a talking person! Animated adventure ensues! I, um, had scheduling conflicts.

“Growing Op”: Didn’t see this one, either, but it stars Wallace Langham, whom I’ve enjoyed ever since his glory days fighting with Sarah Silverman on “The Larry Sanders Show” — and Adam found it inoffensive.

“I Can’t Think Straight”: The other Lisa Ray/Sheetal Seth/Shamim Sarif movie to open in Toronto this month, after “The World Unseen” two weeks ago; this one’s a contemporary romantic comedy about women in love, which Susan found far more palatable.

“Repo! The Genetic Opera”: Were you as disappointed as I was when Anthony Stewart Head literally bumped into Johnny Depp in Tim Burton’s “Sweeney Todd”, and wandered off without singing a note? Well, now’s your chance to hear those pipes a-bursting in the service of Darren Lynn Bousmann’s gore-drenched rock opera, which Barrett holds in pretty high regard.

“Twilight”: She gave us this generation’s “Reefer Madness” with “Thirteen”, turned “Lords of Dogtown” into a self-satisfied snooze and turned “The Nativity Story” into a Grade-Z act of Christian pandering; now, Catherine Hardwicke takes Stephenie Meyer’s young-adult novel and turns it into a borderline incompetent movie of the week, built around the wet-blanket Kristen Stewart and the truly ridiculous Robert Pattinson. Yeah, it’s going to make money. No, there won’t be another one any time soon.

Gotta run — CTV Newsnet wants me on to talk about “Twilight”. 11:15 am, Rogers cable 62; check it out, if you’re able.

The Intuitive Filmmaker

Of course I loved it, look at that dog!I am not terribly well-represented in the latest issue of NOW, but don’t worry; it’s just a quirk of timing. I’ll be all over the section next week.

Today’s paper does feature one thing about which I’m reasonably proud, though — an interview with Lance Hammer, the director of a terrific new drama called “Ballast” that’s been picking up some of the year’s strongest reviews on the festival circuit. It opens in Toronto tomorrow, and is well worth watching even at one of the shoeboxes in the Carlton.

It’s not for everyone, but it’s infinitely more satisfying than, say, Rod Stewart’s manky cover of Ron Sexsmith’s lovely “Secret Heart”, which is playing on CBC Radio 2 as I type these words. Seriously, what the hell?

Attention Canadian Distributor People

They're waiting for you, bookersMy cousin Mark’s documentary, “Waiting for Sancho“, just received a very positive review in Variety — very nearly a rave, except for the bit where John Anderson acknowledges that the movie has virtually no commercial prospects.

Fair enough. It really doesn’t have a hope in hell of conquering the box office. But it’s a very unique, very engaging movie, and it’s gratifying to see Anderson have the same response to it that I did.

Mark’s currently taking “Sancho” on a tour of European festivals — next stop, Belfort — and based on the mounting buzz, I think it’s high time for Mongrel or filmswelike or Seville or the newly-founded Evokative — any of our various art-house distributors, really — to think about picking it up for a limited run at the Royal or something.

It’d make a fine double-bill with “Birdsong”, though that might be a little too much austerity and dry wit for even Toronto’s hardiest cineaste.

I am just thinking out loud, you understand. Except with typing.

He Wants to Hold Your Hand

I see massive sales numbersAh, there we are: Today’s Sympatico/MSN DVD column, spotlighting the unqualified triumph that is “WALL-E”.

Not only is Pixar’s landmark SF romance the best movie I’ve seen this year, but Disney’s Blu-ray special edition is a stunning accomplishment — the best reason yet to upgrade your system.

C’mon, you know it’s time. Player prices are dropping, HDTVs can be had for a song, and the IMAX version of “The Dark Knight” is just around the corner …

… really, how are we gonna save the economy if we don’t spend our way back to solvency? Wasn’t that how we fixed 9/11?

Identity Thefts

Que suis-je ici?To celebrate the bizarro-universe joys of “JCVD”, this week’s Sympatico/MSN gallery runs down a list of other films in which actors play themselves.

(And yes, I know this is two straight weeks of Neil Patrick Harris citations. Dude’s awesome, he can take it.)

Incidentally, I just found out that Entertainment Weekly has a similar gallery in their latest issue. Oh, sure, they remembered Billy Zane, but I’ve got Elisabeth Shue