Paramount chose not to screen “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” for critics, because — they said — it not the kind of movie that critics would find, you know, fun.

“G.I. Joe” opened to decent box-office this weekend, grossing $56.2 million domestically and pulling in another $44 million internationally.

But.

Less than two months ago, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”, that other Paramount summer action movie based on a line of Hasbro toys, enjoyed a five-day opening gross of $200.1 million in North America alone — $89.2 million of that between Friday and Sunday — and that film was screened for critics.

I respectfully postulate that, since the “G.I. Joe” movie would certainly have pulled in better reviews than the “Transformers” movie (or a less vituperative assortment of negative reviews, anyway), Paramount’s decision not to screen the film for critics served to diminish its box-office take, since the negative implications of the critical blackout kept away those potential ticket buyers who might have been curious about the movie’s supposed failings or excesses.

After all, there must have been some people who went to see the “Transformers” movie because all the reviews mentioned Megan Fox running in slow motion.

So: “G.I. Joe”, not reviewed, $56.2 million opening weekend. “Transformers 2”, reviewed with contempt, $89.2 million in the same three-day span. How well might the Joes have done if they’d been given an early chance to win over our cold, black hearts?

I guess we’ll never know. Which is too bad, because knowing is half the battle.

We thought we’d do something a little more ambitious with this week’s Sympatico/MSN movie gallery — to tie into the release of “The Cove”, we’re looking at eight similarly activist documentaries.

And yes, I know I left out “Titicut Follies”, which actually led to real change in an American psychiatric institution. But it wasn’t expressly intended as a work of activism — well, no more so than any of Wiseman’s other films — and besides, we covered it last time, so there.

First things first: John Hughes died. There’s a quick appraisal up at the NOW site, if you’re curious.

Otherwise, we’re back to the grind: So many movies opening today that the mind boggles at the thought of sitting through them. Fortunately, I no longer have to try …

“Adam”: After “Evening”, “The Jane Austen Book Club” and “Confessions of a Shopaholic” failed to launch him as a Hollywood leading man, Hugh Dancy shoots the works as a lovelorn Asperger’s sufferer in Max Mayer’s quirky romantic comedy. Rad found it wanting; frankly, they lost me at the trailer.

“Burma VJ: Reporting from a Closed Country“: Anders Ostergaard’s documentary takes us inside the Burmese monk protests of September 2007, and reminds us that citizen journalism is a totally valid form of non-violent resistance.

“Cold Souls“: Sophie Berger appears to think the Charlie Kaufman formula is as simple as (character actor) + (metaphysical absurdity) x (ironic distance). But even Kaufman’s transcended that. Still, anything that gives Paul Giamatti screen time isn’t totally pointless.

“The Cove“: If you were getting all big-headed about the nobility of the human race, director Louie Psihoyos offers incontrovertible evidence that we kinda suck. This may be the most important documentary of the year; it’s certainly the most effective.

(Side note: I met Psihoyos and his principal subject, cetacean activist Ric O’Barry, earlier this week; that interview can be found here.)

“Flame and Citron“: The true story of a pair of Resistance fighters dealing out bloody retribution to collaborators in Nazi-occupied Denmark, Ole Christian Madsen’s slick WWII thriller arrives just as anticipation begins to build for that other behind-enemy-lines actioner, “Inglourious Basterds”. Nice work, schedulers!

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”: Your guess is as good as mine. I’m seeing it this afternoon, and still hoping for the best.

“Julie & Julia”: Hard-won experience has taught me to avoid the films of Nora Ephron, but I think I’ll have to make an exception for this one, since it’s an adaptation of Julie Powell’s fine memoir about cooking her way through Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”. Susan offers her tacit approval.

“Paper Heart”: Is Charlyne Yi’s first-person inquiry into the mysteries of love a documentary, a put-on, or some mixture of both? I dunno, but the word “twee” keeps coming up in various reviews, so I think I can comfortably wait for the DVD.

“A Perfect Getaway”: Before he got all mad-with-power on “The Chronicles of Riddick”, David Twohy was a reliable maker of modestly budgeted, idea-heavy thrillers as “The Grand Tour”, “The Arrival”, “Below” and “Pitch Black”. Based on Adam and Andrew‘s reviews, this may mark his return to form; missed the press screening, can’t wait to see it.

“Thirst“: As a great man once said: “My, my my. What. A. Mess.” Fond as I am of Park Chan-wook’s magnificent vengeance trilogy, his new vampire-noir romance is just plain crazy. Sorry.

And now, I must dash out to the day’s first screening of “G.I. Joe”. I’m a little nervous about running into fans in costume, but I figure they’ll be cool with it …besides, how often does one get to dress like a ninja? A military ninja, mind you?

Really, the answer’s in the question.

UPDATE: Didn’t suck. Here’s the review.

No, I have not yet seen “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”. But it’s not because I don’t want to; Stephen Sommers delivered two of my very favorite goofball genre movies, “Deep Rising” and “The Mummy”, and I’m really hoping he can recapture the mojo that eluded him in the last reel of “The Mummy Returns” (and, um, the entirety of “Van Helsing”) this time around.

My good will ain’t good enough for Paramount, which has declined to screen the film for critics … because, they claim, it’s just too much fun, and we won’t appreciate it.

Funny how that didn’t stop them from screening “Iron Man” or “Star Trek”, and then actively soliciting blurbs for those movies. Maybe this is a different kind of fun, like Michael Bay fun — a fun best kept to those under the age of fifteen, like doing Whippets and stealing your dad’s Jeep for a joyride.

I truly hope not. The world needs a live-action “Team America”, and Stephen Sommers is just the guy to make it …

Variety reports that Steven Spielberg has chosen his next project … and it’s a remake of “Harvey”. The one with Jimmy Stewart and the invisible rabbit. Shooting is set for the new year.

Spielberg being Spielberg, he’ll probably go with the safe choices and keep the story in its mid-century setting. And he’ll almost certainly cast this generation’s Mr. Everyman, Tom Hanks, as Elwood P. Dowd, the lovable drunk who doesn’t go anywhere without his hallucinatory sidekick.

I mean, you can imagine the pressure a less powerful filmmaker would get from the studio to update the material for the present day and bring down the character’s age so he’s more relatable to younger moviegoers. Maybe edge the story up a little by letting the audience wonder whether Elwood’s pervasive alcoholism and questionable mental state really are the best things for him.

Of course, then you’d have a totally different movie. But think of the cult possibilities …

Because as far as I can tell, “Aliens in the Attic” is a real movie and actually did open this weekend, my latest Sympatico/MSN movie gallery waxes nostalgic for the good old days when all you needed to save the world was a slingshot, a box of jacks and the purity of a child’s heart.

Don’t snicker! That could totally work!

July is giving way to August, and I can see the top of the rollercoaster just ahead; it won’t be long before the Toronto film festival completely takes over my life. But before we can get to that, we have to deal with a couple of very crowded weeks of releases — seriously, the 7th and the 14th are just insane with theatrical openings. I don’t know what the distributors are thinking, honestly.

Today, though, it’s positively placid out there, with only four films opening:

“Aliens in the Attic”: A bunch of kids are the world’s only hope when adorable CG aliens stage an invasion in their attic. Apparently one of the “High School Musical” cast is in this, so it will make money. No press screening, so no opening-day reviews. Darn.

“Fifty Dead Men Walking“: Kari Skogland’s IRA thriller is well-constructed, occasionally exciting, and utterly soulless. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work, exactly, but it’s awfully hollow inside.

“Funny People”: Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen team up for Judd Apatow’s latest directorial effort, which is apparently a little more serious than “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” and “Knocked Up”. (It’s also two and a half hours long.) My hosting duties at Harbourfront prevented me from making the press screening; Rad and Adam were there, and their responses were mixed.

“Shrink“: Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write: Jonas Pate’s twinkly multicharacter story of sad sacks in Los Angeles is watchable and well-assembled, buoyed by strong performances from Kevin Spacey and Robin Williams. Never lose your capacity to be surprised, kids.

And that’s the week in movies. I must now dive into next week’s deadlines — because there are a lot of them, and the clock is ticking.