Television is Out of Ideas

Ray Wise was otherwise engagedIt’s pilot season. And Variety is reporting that Rebecca Romijn has just been cast in ABC’s “Eastwick”, alongside Linsday Price and Jaime Ray Newman and Veronica Cartwright.

Sayeth the industry bible:

“Eastwick” revolves around three women who discover they have mystical powers when a mysterious man comes to town.

I mean, yeah, that’s what John Updike’s book was about, too … kinda …

Seriously, though. How did they pitch this? “It’s ‘Desperate Housewives’, but with Satan! Perfect for the Sunday night block!”

And poor Veronica Cartwright. Twenty-two years after the George Miller movie, here she is spewing cherries all over again …

Busy, for a Slow Day

Yes, sometimes I actually care about sportsSorry for the later post than usual — it’s just been a flurry of screenings, last-minute DVD couriering and filing to deadline, and all of a sudden it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and I’m just remembering I have a blog.

I blame the weather. It’s gray and oppressive here, which makes my sinus cavities into some kind of resonance chamber, apparently, and I’ve been walking around bleary for days. A good hour of rain usually clears that up, but we haven’t had much luck there.

Actually, I can’t really pray for rain today, since that might interfere (or at least slow down) tonight’s World Baseball Classic match-up between Canada and Italy, and my brother –who’s doing the play-by-play on said game — would really hate that.

Check him out if you’re able: 590 AM in the Toronto area, or online anywhere at the Fan’s site; just click on the “Listen Live” tab. The game starts at 6:30 pm EDT, though the broadcast doesn’t catch up until 7 pm. I think you’ll be able to catch it online from the start.

I won’t be able to tune in, myself. (Lousy day job, making me work nights.) But I know it’ll be worth the listen. He’s really very good at this stuff.

Hurm.

Long night. Morning soon. Must deposit residuals cheque.The box-office reports are in, and “Watchmen” has won the weekend — though with a three-day gross of just $55.7 million, industry reports are pointing out that we’re not looking at another blockbuster on the scale of “The Dark Knight”.

I’m not entirely surprised. An R-rated, 160-minute adaptation of a property few outside the comics world will recognize was never going to compete with Batman, or even pull in Spider-Man-scale numbers. You need to go beyond the core fans for something like that. Same thing happened to the first “Hellboy”, and that was a good 50 minutes shorter.

Still, this is a solid opening, and there’s more cash to come with the international run, and after that there’s the home-video bonanza, what with all the different cuts Warner is planning to release.

And then, of course, there’s the inevitable Saturday morning spinoff.

No, not really. But it’s awesome, isn’t it?

Hey, I Know that Mailbox …

All they did was offer him a TimbitWith “One Week” and “Pontypool” turning the lens of Canadian film back on Canada itself — the first being a travelogue of national landmarks, and the second being a more practical consideration of our nation as a wintry hellscape filled with cannibalistic maniacs — it seemed like a good time to do a Sympatico/MSN movie gallery about all the clumsy attempts to repurpose Canadian locations as American cities.

I’m sure you’ll come up with other examples, but I could only fit eight into the piece — and I didn’t want to keep it too Toronto-centric, so I had to leave out such gems as Norman Jewison’s “The Hurricane”.

Remember that one? With Dan Hedaya’s (non-existent) American cop threatening John Hannah and Deborah Kara Unger right in front of a Toronto Star box? Yeah, maybe it’s best that you don’t.

Back to Being Busy

Imagine them harmonizing 'hello' ...And here it is Friday again, with movies aplenty opening. Let’s dive right in, kids:

Fear(s) of the Dark“: Wanna get creeped out by shadows and subtitles? This is the anthology for you. And though it’s really uneven, the segments that work are going to be so much more effective in a dark, squeaky theater than it’ll ever be in your living room.

Nightwatching“: In which Peter Greenaway continues his excavation of his own navel, this time dragging Martin Freeman along with him. I will continue to see everything and anything Greenaway does, based on the brilliance and audacity of the work he did two decades ago … but I’m also aware that it’s been a losing proposition for the last fifteen years.

“One Week”: Joshua Jackson, diagnosed with terminal cancer, takes a trip across Canada to look at our prized landmarks. It’s named for a Barenaked Ladies song; it’s got a Gord Downie cameo. Michael McGowan’s follow-up to “Saint Ralph” practically bleeds maple. Susan liked it, though I suspect the phrase “big commercial potential” is wishful thinking. Jason is a little more realistic.

“Owl and the Sparrow”: Stephane Gauger’s teeny little drama about a Vietnamese runaway in Ho Chi Minh City is opening today without fanfare or even a press release, as far as I know. But Glenn saw it, so we’re covered.

Pontypool“: Zombies! Not really! But if we call them zombies — if we actually, collectively, use the word — then they are, properly, zombies, right? You don’t have to use the zed-word to appreciate the semotic genius of Bruce McDonald’s horror exercise … but even if you do, it won’t help. The contaminated will still get you.

Watchmen“: Zack Snyder uses his “300” juice to bring Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ quintessential graphic novel to the screen, more or less as its creators imagined it on the page. Reviews have been mixed — A.O. Scott was particularly down on it in the Times yesterday — but I think it’s a pretty successful translation. Even if they did leave out the calamari.

I kinda miss the calamari.

I Did Say I Was Busy

Ask not for whom the mask tollsRemember those deadlines I’ve mentioned over the last couple of weeks? Check out the new issue of NOW!

First, there’s a cover story on “Watchmen” and an attendant article about comic-to-movie adaptations; check ’em out, they’re fun.

Oh, but that’s not it. I’ve also got an interview with Bruce McDonald, whose “Pontypool” opens tomorrow and is quite a piece of work.

Get to reading — and while you’re on the site, don’t miss Paul Terefenko’s status report on the state of the “Scott Pilgrim” movie, being prepped right now by a certain British director …

This Can’t Be Good

It certainly looks like the A-30, doesn't it?Hey, remember how the high-def format war was decisively settled, like, a year ago?

Yeah, well. Engadget HD reports that another war is brewing in China, with Warner throwing a few titles out on the emerging CBHD platform.

Now, CBHD evolved out of HD DVD. Warner was one of the earliest supporters of HD DVD, and the studio’s abandonment of the format last January is viewed as the death-blow to the red team.

Does this new development count as ironic? (It’s so hard to tell these days.) Damned if I’m buying another player, though.

Kate the T-1000

She's really thinking about phased plasma riflesWas anyone else a little unsettled at the transformation this year of Kate Winslet from unpretentious, well-adjusted actor person to obsessive awards winner?

It’s like she’s been replaced by one of those shapeshifting Terminators; it looks like her, it sounds like her, but if you catch it from the wrong angle, all you see is the mission. And while it’s really good at mimicking the appearance of a person, it can’t do squat about the inner workings, which is why “Winslet” could go up to the podium at the Golden Globes a second time, with a second speech in her hand, and claim to be surprised and unprepared without acknowledging how odd that claim must seem.

Anyway, it’s just something I was thinking about after reading Scott Tobias’ essay on “Heavenly Creatures” over at the AV Club, where Peter Jackson’s splendid and harrowing drama has just been inducted into the site’s New Cult Canon series. The Winslet of that movie in no way resembles the Winslet of today. Hell, she barely resembles the Winslet who so brilliantly spoofed the Hollywood awards mechanism in that “Extras” clip.

Has anyone else noticed the change? I mean, I don’t expect Sam Mendes to catch on — he’s all about surfaces — but surely her kids must have suspicions.

Christian Bale might want to keep his distance these days, is all I’m saying.

Vs.

Two men enter, one man leavesEverybody’s fighting these days. “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li” opened on Friday with virtually no promotion — I mean, I haven’t even seen a TV spot for it yet, and I watch a lot of television — and tonight at the Bloor, Edgar Wright is screening “Shaolin Soccer” and “The Story of Ricky”.

So in honor of all the aggro, this week’s Sympatico/MSN gallery is dedicated to imaginary match-ups between existing action characters. John McClane vs. John Rambo, Selene from “Underworld” vs. Aeon Flux, Snake Plissken vs. Gabe Cash … you get the idea.

Sometimes it’s fun to be silly. Actually, it’s almost always fun to be silly. Feel free to snipe at my choices in the comments, but remember, the decision of the judges is final.

My other other gig.