I am not a sentimentalist, but waking up from a mild turkey coma, seeing fresh snow on the ground and realizing that there are sixty Jaffa cakes begging to be eaten … ah, that says Christmas to me.

My values are slightly skewed, mind you. But not as badly (segue!) as the values of the people who green-lit the soulless failures that make up this morning’s Sympatico/MSN gallery, which nods in the direction of “The Spirit” and “Valkyrie” by running down seven other recent movies that appeared to have everything in place for successful ventures, only to botch the job hideously.

Sorry to bring up “The Golden Compass” again, but relevant is relevant.

Happy Boxing Day, everyone! May you make it safely through the malls, find great deals where you need them, and enjoy at least one piece of candy before noon.

I think there’s some stuff. Also, it seems Harold Pinter has died. Somehow that cheap shot about his “Sleuth” screenplay being a sign of early decline seems kind of mean now. Not wrong, mind you, just mean.

“Bedtime Stories”: Adam Sandler plays a shiftless uncle who learns the value of growing up when the bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start coming vividly true. But the really improbable part? Keri Russell plays his love interest. Rad bears witness.

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button“: Brad Pitt ages backwards! Cate Blanchett dances! New Orleans serves as a clumsy metaphoric backdrop for an epic American tale that’s as digitally processed — and, ultimately, as pointless — as a certain 1994 Oscarpalooza directed by Robert Zemeckis. I don’t blame David Fincher for trying (and failing) to tell a human story as much as I blame screenwriter Eric Roth; now, that guy can just go Gump himself.

“Marley and Me”: Look, I know the dog is adorable. I also know what happens to the dog. I will be elsewhere, probably forever. But Rad acknowledges that the movie worked on him, so that’s something.

“The Spirit“: Frank Miller tries to bend Will Eisner’s doofy crime-fighter to his misogynist will, and fails mightily. Some eggs just aren’t meant to be hard-boiled — especially when Samuel L. Jackson is ranting about them at full volume in every other scene. (Louis Lombardi’s a hoot, though.)

“Valkyrie“: Yeah, Tom Cruise doesn’t really pull of the German-aristocrat thing as well as he thinks he does. But at least he’s not the only thing pushing against Bryan Singer’s tale of a 1944 coup attempt within the Nazi high command; that whole Hitler-assassination plot somehow fails to generate a whole lot of tension. On the upside, you’ll witness incredible advances in digital swastika technology.

“The Wrestler”: Darren Aronofsky’s gritty tale of a lug’s redemption has been greeted ecstatically at film festivals around the world, and it is indeed very good … though, much like Mickey Rourke’s disintegrating hero, it’s also a little on the clumsy side. But that’s really the worst thing I can say about it, and Rourke really is amazing, as Barrett and Jason argue at greater length.

Oh, and “Waltz with Bashir” opens tomorrow. It’s very good. If you aren’t braving the Boxing Day hordes, there are worse ways to spend a soggy afternoon …

Counting down the days to Christmas, the studios are unloading their big guns … which include some serious Oscar-craving productions.

“Gran Torino”: Clint Eastwood plays a snarling, racist Korean War veteran who finds himself crankily taking sides in a Hmong turf war in his sleepy Michigan suburb. Eastwood is letting it be known that this is likely the last time we’ll see him in front of a camera, which can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that he’s never won an acting Oscar. Because when you can’t campaign on merit, you go for pity. Adam and Barrett will explain.

“Seven Pounds”: Will Smith and Gabriele Muccino, who brought you the warm-n-fuzzy 2006 drama “The Pursuit of Happyness”, reunite for a somewhat overcomplicated redemption melodrama that works just a hair better than you’d expect, thanks to the fine chemistry between Smith and co-star Rosario Dawson. Susan agrees, and I agree with Adam: “Do Not Touch the Jellyfish” deserves to become the catchphrase of the year.

“The Tale of Despereaux”: All I know about this animated feature is that Sylvan Chomet, the unqualified genius who gave us “The Triplets of Belleville”, was originally supposed to direct it, but ultimately didn’t. Dierdre liked it more than Jason did; I’m curious to see the character designs, but couldn’t catch the screening.

“Yes Man“: So it’s finally come to this: Jim Carrey is so desperate to claw his way back to the top that he’ll take anything that smacks of his former blockbusters — even this naked retread of “Liar Liar” that finds him responding to any request in the affirmative, no matter how wacky. Remember when his comedy was so thrilling? So unpredictable and gleeful? Yeah, well, that was a looooong time ago.

Hang in there. Better stuff’s coming. Eventually.